Market Research movie star

Oddie - mentioned later

The other day I was filmed delivering a lecture.

Not for some cheeky straight to web piece; not even for the small screen. This was full widescreen, cinematic, IMAX threatening celluloid. Or broadcast quality Betamax or something.

For one afternoon, I was a Business School lecturer. I know nothing about Business but wasn’t hurled off the set, so my ‘acting’ – by definition - was a storming success. I was pleased to get the gig, too. This was a chance to leave the surveys and spreadsheets behind and wave my arms around while warbling and waffling about ‘what an entrepreneur is’ and what SWOT stands for (you learn something new every day folks <ahem>).

My evident success stands in contrasts to my screen cv leading up to that point:

• man crossing road in unreleased film which certainly involved my old flat mate, Ched, and possibly one of the Coppolas (but not FF or S)
• one of a three bother team on Bill Oddie’s History Hunt which, thankfully, hasn’t surfaced on the internet (I’ve looked so you don’t have to)
• man on bike in indie film ‘playing the festivals’ (it’s called The Same Circles and is very good)

'Me crossing road' footage from first film mentioned above

The theatre is not my first love.

My two stage appearances were forgettable and came more years ago than I care to imagine

• Police detective with designs on the school caretaker in a Slip End Lower class-written musical theatre production about a vampire, who rather dominated proceedings with some outrageous overacting;
• ‘Old Man’ in Upper School production of Brecht’s The Good Person of Szechwan. Or ‘Good Woman’ as it was. My painfully boyish looks and mountains of talc alienated the bejesus out of an audience of tense, bored parents wondering why the hell they weren’t watching Gilbert and Sullivan.

Village ways

Acting as a Business lecturer allowed me to step out of the day to day while keeping both feet in it. There was a nightmarish quality in apparently holding an audience in the palm of my hand, telling them that “in order to run your own business, you need to start a business”. Over and over again. So many times, in fact, that I started wondering if I hadn’t unearthed some hidden wisdom and shouldn’t nip off somewhere and write a self-help book.

I hope and assume our real Business lecturers do a better job.

On set with Clearhead

Was being on a film set what I expected?

No. Though we were cued in with the word ‘ACTION!’ Plus, I learned that ‘kino’ is not only French for cinema, but also one of those big ‘sun bed on a tripod’ type lights and exchanged some terrific cross-generation ‘bants’ with my joint lead, Harry, who as an acting student, looked more comfortable than I did about our fictitious student/teacher relationship. Presumably, these exchanges will make the outtake reel.

I was impressed, too, with the assured organisation and management of the process– kudos both to our Marketing team and Clearhead.

Of course, my secret hope is that I’ll get picked up, not by the CMA, but by David Puttnam or someone. I’m not a betting man, but reckon on a 40% chance of being on the arty channels within the year. Two at a push. Anyone in the business note; I will not do reality, soaps or shopping channels.

Perhaps next year, when I’ve moved into BAFTA contention, you too could be in our cinema ads. Get in touch with the Marketing team; we’d love to hear from you.

That applies to a guest spot writing on this blog too – if you want to join our illustrious writers and have something to say about Marketing and Communications at the University of Bedfordshire, let us know by clicking here. Otherwise, please favour us with a comment below, in the comments box. We'd love to hear from you.