Spot the difference. If you can...........

Thursday 4th May

Weather - overcast

"I was at a school 6th form recently,talking to university applicants. When I could understand what on earth they were talking about, it was quite an eye opener. Perhaps the most striking statement was along the lines of 

All universities are the same. All of them. Yours; everybody. 

From what I’ve seen of Hertfordshire and Oxford? The same

WOW! If in any way representative of a wider view, this cockeyed opinion would delight Herts and give the Dreaming Spires a rude awakening, presumably with the Dons and other hallowed academic types wondering whether 'perhaps they should take this “marketing” thing seriously after all'. I suspect, however, that maybe, just maybe, there was a certain level of mischief and or disingenuous-ness at large when those words were oh-so-casually thrown asunder. Some smart aleckery designed to baffle the man from the local uni.

We’re all older and wiser

That's right. We are all older and wiser than year 12s and year 13s. We can prove it, too, what with our life experiences, musical tastes and the ownership of houses and licences (e.g. driving, marriage, television). Yeah, I know, right? We should, however, give the kids a bit of respect. The Kids, as Pete Townsend pointed out, are ‘alright’, after all, even if they speak in tongues, can’t/won’t concentrate, call good things ‘sick’ (possibly? They used to…….) and don’t sit down with cutlery to eat their ruddy dinner.

Meanwhile, back in MARC, one of Bob C’s favourite analogies concerns vanilla ice cream. Bob Cozens, as most readers will know, is our Director whose use of vanilla ice cream is because of its inherent dullness and – more importantly – ‘sameness’ from one dreary block to another. To many, vanilla ice cream is something trapped and unloved in other people’s freezers’ ice monsters. A redundant carton passed over for the more exotic Viennetta or Cornetto. Or even a Mivvi.

Off colour vanilla ice cream

This analogy doesn’t entirely work for me. I like vanilla ice cream, along with marrows, mild cheese, cottage cheese, suet puddings and other comestibles which are a bit ‘retro’ and don’t taste of anything. If I want to talk about university courses presenting an identikit of each other and the same brain-freezing prospect from one institution to another, I’d be inclined to talk about fudge, treacle or brown food in ‘piles’, ‘morasses’ or ‘messes’.

Get to the point. Is there a point?

Food aside, there is a point. A real point. University courses have two price tags. One differentiates (entry requirements), the other doesn’t (the near universal £9,000 price tag). If we put entry requirements to one side (a big ‘if’ I grant you), when applicants look at similarly packaged courses at different institutions, they’re not going to choose generic stodge over shiny bells and whistles on courses our marketing chums would suggest offer USPs (i.e. ‘good bits’).

And thinking back to those with lower UCAS points; in an increasingly competitive market place even those with lowest expectations have a wide choice before and during Clearing.

When given a once in a lifetime shot at the world’s most extensive pizza menu, who exactly, will turn round and say “You know what, I’d kill for a Margherita”. I’ve been Marcoms’ Social Secretary (Lunchtimes) for over a year now, and no one’s ever chosen Margerita*. Not EVEN when it boasts hand torn organic Buffalo Mozarella. A Margherita is a Margherita is a Margherita.

Whaoh there! My arteries are literally dying of boredom

And guess what; year 13 and year 12 students GET IT. Course pages and prospectuses are furiously scanned and course and uni choices made by irrational minds subject to the forces of behavioural economics and whatever socio-emotional forces rage in the adolescent system. Minds which profess to no being able to differentiate between Herts and Oxford; minds which will make irrational choices.

Please; get to the point. 

With all this irrationality, it’s harder to make and convey any sense, so when you’re writing NCPs and copy for the web, remember your audience (think more BTEC or A levels than Jedis, grandmasters, masterminds, laureates or gurus). Be succinct and make every word count. Do you need, and will confused school leavers go ape for acronyms, impenetrable language, state of the art cliches and waffle? I can get away with it here; I’m not trying to sell anything.

Anyway?

Anyway, I’m off to Luton's premier jazz club this evening, then off work tomorrow and Monday. At the weekend, the Hatters conclude their weird up and down season. I dreamed that Nathan Jones (Luton Town’s manager) went absolute ape last night and ran down the pitch, in a tiny fury at a comical but ultimately painless defensive error. Before then, I’m off to hunt down the new Magnus Mills book, then go and see Wire, which I’m extremely excited about. They’re from Watford, are very old, a bit 'arty' and sound (sounded) like this:

See you nodding your head, nursing a pint, towards the back but not so far back that you have to squint to make anything out.

Adios!

*Admittedly, our Marcoms lunches do not represent a representative sample of the whole world and everyone in it, and other factors come into play when applicants make their choice of where to apply and where, ultimately to study.