Hanging out with aliens; understanding applicants and enquirers

In this blog, I'll try and offer some thoughts on the year 12s and year 13s I've recently had the pleasure to meet and have tried to understand.

First off, the terminology. Customers, consumers, partners, stakeholders? Or maybe students? How about students? Let's wrestle these poor souls away from the marketplace, if only for this blog, and recognise, perhaps, that the whole seller/customer model has a place in £9k fees, but isn't the be all and end all, especially for many 17 and 18 year olds.

So, students. More to the point, potential University of Bedfordshire students. Do we know who they are? Do we need to know who they are? Do we understand them? Should we care?

If your answer(s) to the second and/or last question is/are "no", then contact ODTU for Customer Service 101 or nearest equivalent. And I would suggest a reality check for anyone who claims to have supreme confidence in saying they fully know and understand our emerging cohorts.

Beds' Mkt Research Manager
in 'sales mode'

Over the last few months, I've joined the charm offensive that is 'student recruitment'. Granted, I’m less charm/more offensive, but given recent team shrinkage, I've 'had a go'. I've also been lucky enough to have had access to Summer Schools, thanks to Tam and her lovely colleagues in Partnerships. And here’s a roundup of some of the questions I’ve been asked while hoofing around various places (Luton, Norwich, Ipswich, Chatham and, err, Luton again).

Could you tell me about the course?

Is emo still a thing?

Perhaps I shouldn't admit it, but this was a question I often had to deflect. With the best will in the world, when a 16 year old goff/emo person asks me about fashion it’s not going to go well. For either of us. This is why descriptions in the prospectus and signing to the web need to be as clear as possible; not an easy task and always worth sense checking and running through the filters of i) a potential applicant; and ii) a numb-nut trying to sell to the potential applicant.

What are the entry requirements?

People usually want to know why our requirements are so low - when our WP mission is explained, this usually plays out well enough, thank you very much.

Where is Bedfordshire exactly?

We all know. I always assumed others would. A few do, though many have no idea. Luton and Bedford may be the centres of our universe, but for many, they're an unknown mystery (don’t worry Aylesbury and MK; you’re on the map and referred to as and when). Once location is established and proximity to London confirmed, the atmosphere is usually lightened and some valuable time has been taken up which otherwise would have been spent talking about something you know very little about. Like fashion.

Do you do Forensic Psychology, Fashion Management, Aviation Engineering, History, Politics …..etc.

We’re always asked for courses we don’t deliver. If I can't cross seell, I pass these enquirers to either Bath Spa or Birmingham City (i.e. the stands nearest us, in the hope that hangers in the enquirer’s group will buy my supplicating look and talk to me and so discover where Bedfordshire is). Sometimes works; sometimes people move away from me at great speed.

Can I have a pen?

We’ve had pens in the past. And stress light bulbs, memory sticks, selfie sticks, tote bags and lanyards. This year we had nothing, so instead, I played “watch people pinch things from Birmingham City”. This was easier and more manageable than writing 'on the spot haikus' which may have been achievable on a slow day and might have been more of a talking point. Not having freebies meant we couldn’t generate as much frivolous traffic as in previous years, although we didn't have the budget this time and the time spent not talking about stress light bulbs probably led to a better level of engagement.

(at UCAS convention) Is Cambridge Uni here?

One particular charmer asked if Cambridge were at the UCAS fair, then looked at me as if I needed to crawl back under whichever filthy stone I’d emerged from and not bother them with any further engagement. I happily misdirected them and left them to enjoy the rest of their snobby existence.

Do you do a course in stripping? Only my mate wants to open a strip club…..

At the other end of the scale, this from Luton. Cheek goes down better than snobbery. If I’d have had the presence of mind I might have recommended a business course, but I moved things on when asked this in a focus group.

GIF from search on 'paint stripping'.
The least indecent one I could find.
Doesn't really work in the context of the blog. Sorry.

How do you pronounce ‘Bournemouth’?
I break words down. You call it ‘Bournemouth’; I’d call it “Born mouth”.

My grandparents lived in Dorset; I was able to confirm that however it's pronounced, you'd be better of in Beds.

Other points of note:

• 16 and 17 is a weird age. Some of these kids looked older than me; others looked like wee bairns.
• Tribes are alive and well. Hearteningly and although millenials and GenZed-ers and wannabes are all hooked onto portable devices, one size by no means fits all. A few draconian schools still insist their kids wear the school ties (“they won’t come to us” I was advised by a wise colleague, who proved to be almost, if not entirely spot on). There are still weirdos and introverts and thesps and cross dressers and jocks and nerds and alternatives and all sorts of wonderful
• That said, some of these new fashions are BONKERS. Especially in the eyebrow area.

Pre smoking ban PROPER eyebrows. Rad, innit?

Want to write for this blog? Express your interest here.